The modern world of dating is very different from the classic “I like you, want to go on a date?” where you actually had to meet someone in real life and get to know them. Now all you need is a phone and a couple of on point pictures to show off your good side. When used right, this is actually a pretty cool concept, being matched with people in your area that have common interests; it just makes sense. We’d all love to have some new friends to hang out with if nothing else comes from it. However, any dating app savvy individual has experienced the dreaded “dark side” of these apps too. Most notably, we’re talking about the crazies. Those people who send you one quick “Hello, you seem cool, wanna hang out sometime?” and before you can respond back they’re off the deep end. “You too good to respond back to me?” “Just kidding you’re ugly, thought you might be looking for a real man.” or just the simple “you’re a (insert bad word here).” And let’s not even talk about the unwanted pics…
The question is simple: Why does this happen?
Well I wish I had an answer for you. I don’t.
I can’t speak on behalf of these individuals who find it appropriate to harass and abuse a fellow human simply because the other person isn’t interested in you. It’s so stupid and extremely immature, let alone borderline illegal in some cases…
What I CAN offer you is my perspective on the matter, coming from a 26 year old male with an average amount of experience dealing with these dating apps, along with the insight from countless female friends sharing their “horror stories.” First let’s start with who it is that signs up for these websites and apps. Typically, there are 3 types: Looking for love, looking for friends, or looking for a hook up. It’s hard to tell who is who sometimes, some people cut to the chase and state their intentions up front, while others you don’t know until they have a nuclear meltdown in your message inbox. Let’s talk about them. I don’t want to justify any bad behavior from these losers, but I think the answer is simple as to why it happens. People are weak. Everyone. With the ability to get most anything we want, whenever we want, we’ve become spoiled little brats. Convenience is wonderful to have, so I can’t blame any of us for it, myself included, but the line is drawn when we start talking about other people. Too many people approach apps like Tinder thinking that they’ll create a profile and the date offers will come rolling in. AND WHEN THEY DON’T….SOMEONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE. Most people are not big fans of rejection, but for some, getting angry and defensive is the only way they can cope with the emotions they have when it happens. My mind flashes to the kid in the toy aisle throwing a tantrum because they can’t have the one toy they just absolutely NEED to have.
The moral of the story is this:
If you’re the victim of abuse using these apps, be prepared to ignore these greedy, inconsiderate individuals, and take joy in the fact that you just dodged a big bullet! However, try to understand that you just upset a fragile individual and their anger is their way of coping with rejection. They’ll be ok eventually. I know it sucks… but you just can’t take anything they say personally, after all this is a person you’ve probably never even met before.
As for those of you doing the harassing, some advice: Confidence is sexy, so is using proper English. Use your personality and interests to create a relationship with the other person, and don’t make any assumptions! If they’re just looking for a hook-up too then that will probably come up in conversation. However, if they make it clear that you are making them uncomfortable, you need to stop! It’s okay to make friends with people that don’t want to date you, and it’s totally okay to go your separate ways without ever speaking again too. Just remember that what you say and do will stay forever on the internet and in the “world.” Some of you are definitely ending up in my Facebook feed, screenshots posted by the people you blew up at. So just chill. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Oh yeah, and just a final reminder that being a jerk to someone and sending rude and degrading messages is totally uncool and unacceptable. Good luck finding a date after that person tells everyone about the things you had to say just because they wouldn’t “send you a pic” or “come over sometime.” It’s a small world. Don’t be that annoying child screaming for a cookie.
Be excellent to each other – Greg Harvey WBNQ
The purpose of this blog was for me to attempt to provide an answer to the question: “Why do people react so quickly and negatively?” Sometimes matters of this subject can be serious. If online bullying or harassment makes you feel unsafe, professional help should be sought. This blog is entirely of my own personal experiences and does not reflect the views or opinions of 101.5 WBNQ, Radio Bloomington, or Cumulus Media. Thanks for reading!
