When people asked, “What are you not going to miss about 2018??”, I always knew my answer was about losing my favorite dog Harley, but I never used that answer. It is still too hard to talk about without tearing up, because my grief that started on my birthday in May is still with me today. Life is really different when you are dogless.
Just to catch you up, my fur baby Harley, a almost 10 year old 140lb pure bred rescue St. Bernard passed away from some unknown condition. He was here, then he was suddenly at the emergency vet clinic, then he was better and my husband Derek and I took him home, and hours later he died in my arms. I didn’t ask for this dog and honestly didn’t want the responsibility, my husband wanted a dog, but he came into our home, then he chose me as his mommy and I couldn’t have loved him more. Kind, gentle, smart, affectionate, tolerant, and so handsome. Harley was a one dog parade where ever we were because of his giant size, and he always made us of proud with his wonderful behavior around new people and animals. We watched Harley discover the world through soft brown eyes, and we wanted to give him everything we could.
After his passing, I realized how much time (and money) we actually put into being good dog owners, only by suddenly not having those responsibilities. No more dog walks, the toys and food bowls were gone, the floor around where his water bowl lived was now dry, nobody woke me up at 2am to go potty. We suddenly had the middle of the bed back to ourselves. Overnight trips without a dog sitter? No problem! Want to put on clothes that don’t have a layer of animal hair on them? Now you can wait more than a couple of days to vacuum!
But we were also missing the excited dog greetings when we came back home after work, and the canine conversations about how much we missed each other. My lap was empty when I watched TV, and there wasn’t help in the kitchen to pick up the accidental food scraps I dropped. There was a hole in my heart that was so large, I couldn’t even watch funny dog/cat Facebook videos because it just hurt too much, and I honestly don’t know if I can ever try again with another dog. I love our cats, but it isn’t the same. If you are a dog person, you understand.
There is light at the end of my 2018 tunnel. I saw this video, just this past weekend, and it reminded me that the joy of having a Saint Bernard, and helping them enjoy many firsts, is actually worth the pain of saying goodbye to one. I cried while I watched it, but I made it all the way through. 2019 is going to be better.
Meet Cosmo. He recently found his forever home just like my Harley did with us.
Happy New Year, and congrats to all who adopt, rescue, and love the dogs that occasionally just show up and change your world.
Susan Saunders 1/2/19
