Don’t worry about being nice to your partner when times get tough. Just don’t be a total a-hole.

New research from Baylor University finds that refraining from being a complete jerk toward your significant other is more important than actually being nice to them during stressful times. In a survey of 325 couples, researchers discovered that negative behaviors, such as blaming your partner, “tend to trigger more intense and immediate responses” than, say, showing support when the going gets rough. In other words, being nice and supportive has less impact than not being a jerk during rough times.

This doesn’t mean forgetting special holidays either!